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who is a better mommy?

     In a judgmental tone, one of my neighbor says “My sis-in-law, a doctor, you know what she did… she sent her one year old baby to a day-care. I do NOT understand what will she do with all the money she earns, I do NOT understand why does she have to get back to work so early right after delivery. Kids are the first most important thing in life.”

Another neighbor, who couldn’t wait for the other lady to finish, adds to it ….”Do you know, a new family from California just moved in. She is very seriously looking for a pre-school for a 2.5 year old kid!!! Now, where in the world will you find a school for a 2.5 year old kid. Also, the kids MUST stay at home until they are 3, anyways they have their entire life to slog at school or office you see . I don’t understand why mothers don’t realize they need to spend a quality time with their kids to RAISE THEM BETTER…….in a sarcastic tone. I control my cunning laughter and giggle in my mind thinking….you dumbo, Montessori enroll kids as early as 2. Explore the world outside rather staying inside the four walls the entire time. Things have changed kids doesn’t want to stay at home anymore, they want to explore the outside world as early as possible.

Bottom line, a myth, you got be a domestic goddess to raise a better kid.

I would like to refer to stay-at-home mom’s as domestic goddesses…..derived from the novel – The Red Hat Societies’s Domestic Goddess. I like the fancy name for the most thankless job ever. And of-course undomestic goddess for a working women.

How many domestic goddesses do this in a day?

  1. Watch TV shows or movies when the kids are around and playing. Especially, TV shows like Kyon ki saas,bhi kabhi bahu thi, desperate house wives, Sex and the city, weeds etc.
  2. Show their frustrations on kids as they are taking care of them 24/7 themselves.
  3. Bitch about husbands or in-laws or even their kitty party friends on the phone in kids presence.
  4. Talk on phone or even a video chat with family, friends and others for long time when the kid is either playing by themselves or licking whatever he/she finds on the ground.
  5. Sink in the computer for hours browsing something that might not add any value to the kid nor self.
  6. Nap for long hours with kids.
  7. Work in the kitchen cooking a 3 course meal everyday or wrapping up household chores when the kid is all by self.
  8. At the end of a day domestic goddess is so exhausted , such that taking the kid out to a park or riding to a museum is like next to impossible.

Most domestic goddesses do some or all of the above. And I get it, we are all humans, though we call ourselves super moms, it is one of the most tiring and endless jobs on the earth. I do NOT say doing things from list above is wrong. Every individual irrespective of their choices have a limitation and needs space to just survive. I question how a domestic goddess can raise a better kid in comparison to undomestic goddess given the time gone doing some or all the things from above? Working parents are blamed to have NOT spent quality time with kids, neglected or ignored their kids. It bothers me especially when a working mom is questioned for her ability in raising a better kid. I have lived a life of domestic and undomestic goddess. In both the roles what I think has been critical is taking out a dedicated quality time for kids. It could be 30 mins or 3 hours in a day, doesn’t matter. Staying-at-home or working is a personal choice. It has nothing to do with raising a better child. Staying at home the entire day does NOT mean more quality time with the kid. One does NOT have to be a stay-at-home mom to raise a better kid  nor one has to be working to ignore or neglect the kid. 



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